I'm gonna combine my lives here...

I'll be going back to making my main updates on angelhorn.blogspot.com. I'll keep this for posterity...hopefully, I'll remember to print this out for Ryan to have some day.

Thanks for reading this while I was preggo and putting up with all my complaining! :)

Much better...

Yes, formula is the answer. I have a much more peaceful and happier baby on my hands. Hooray!

Now, we just have to get him to stay awake during the day, instead of torturing me every hour and a half at night.

However, he did try a new trick on me today -- and I didn't really like it all that much.

I was changing a poopy diaper and I was almost done with it and about to put on a new one when MORE POOP came flying out. YUCK! I tried to catch it, but it got on his blanket (not to mention in my raccoon wounds) and then, like an idiot, I accidentally set him back down in it, so it got on his back and his onesie. oops.

So, I got him cleaned up and changed and all that stuff. And now I've been peed AND pooped on. I'm hoping he saves the explosive poops for Dad.

Just another fun day of gross in my life.

I got all the Explanation of Benefits for the hospital stay for me and Ryan. My bills totaled approx. $15k. Ryan's were $4500 or so. Luckily, we only pay $2k for the deductables for me and Ryan. AND, we won't have to pay for another doctor bill this year, because we've met everything for the year. Pretty sweet. :)

So, in conclusion...

We think that it's my milk that is causing the random screaming. We switched over to all formula, just cold turkey on Sunday for 24 hours and then started breastmilk again last night, to see what happened.

What we got was a happy baby for Sunday and most of Monday and a screaming baby this morning. When, of course, I am home alone with him to deal with while he's screaming at random.

So, no more breastmilk, I guess. I feel bad. He's not allergic to milk/dairy, because the formula we give him is dairy based and he doesn't have an issue with it -- other than the iron causes him to not be able to poop as much as he did. But, all babies have trouble pooping at the beginning, because they don't know the best way to force it out of their systems. But, I do feel bad, because I know that BM is really what is the best for him and will really help his immune system, but, something about it really makes him scream.

I don't have a problem nursing, but I do have a problem trying to comfort a baby who CANNOT be comforted by anything other than a car ride to force him to fall asleep. Breastfeeding, after a couple of weeks of practice for both of us, is actually pretty easy and convenient. But, I would prefer to have a baby that I like to take care of, versus one that I am terrified of when he's awake. It's just better for everyone involved.

Now, we just have to get Jake immune to his crying.

Ryan has been much more awake during the day -- he will be up at 6am-ish, be awake and eating most of the morning and early afternoon, go to sleep for a nap around 2 to 3pm and sleep until between 5 and 6, wake up for a bit and usually fall back asleep around 9 or so and sleep until midnight. Luckily, Jake stays up with him after 9pm, so I can sleep, since I get up at 6 with him. And really, I was up at 4:30 with him and I just tried to get him to rest until 6. It's the small battles.

I guess he's hungry again, because he's yelling from the swing. I guess I should get him. Maybe. :)

Back at 2:30pm

He's finally sleeping. Hooray! I'm waiting for Mom to come over -- she's coming over later than normal today, so she can hang out with me tonight, since Jake will be at rehearsal. Plus, I could use a nap at some point. And based on the morning, Ryan is sure to be screaming at me tonight. I need someone who is not me to try and get him to sleep.
See, babies are very basic creatures at this point. I, as the mom, make him food. We'll call me "Food Bag". Food Bag smells like milk. Therefore, when I hold him, it MUST be time for him to eat. If Dad holds him (or anyone else for that matter), they don't smell like milk and if they give him a paci or something, he doesn't get raging angry when it doesn't actually give him food.

Oh, and about that pooping -- he's pooped like 5 times today. Formula poop smells yucky. Smells like real grown up poo. Oh well. It's a small sacrifice.

I do feel bad about not breastfeeding him. I wanted him to have the protections that offers. But, if it makes him scream-y, then we need to be sane around here. 2 weeks is better than none, I suppose. And he's such a sweet little guy when he's not screaming.

Yep, we'll call it the dreaded "C word"

Colic.

Frightening.

I am seriously terrified of my child nowadays. When he starts to wake up from naps, I can feel my blood pressure rise at the mere sound of his squeaking, which used to be cute.

Wednesday was fine. Thursday, we were back to eating too much, throwing up and generally screaming for hours and hours. Finally, he passed out around 10 pm Thursday night and actually sleep until 2am. Then, up at 5:30am. Then up at 6:30am. He doesn't sleep much past 6am. Which sucks. Friday -- more screaming. Even my mom is troubled by it. He used to be such a quiet baby. He is just awake for hours and hours and finally, he passes out to sleep. Last night, it was around 9pm. Then, up at midnight. And then 2. And then 5. Then, he was up from 5:30am this morning, until about 12 noon. Then, he slept only like 30 mins. Finally, we took him for a car ride around 2:30 and went down to the Milwaukee Public Market, just because it was a long care ride in town. He's been sleeping pretty much since then, which he needs to do, but at the same time, I know that he's going to up later tonight. Sigh. I should really take a nap.

We're just going to totally switch over to formula and see if that helps at all. I'm going to pump to keep up with the BF part, but if my milk is going to make him insanely gassy, then what's the point of doing it, you know? If formula makes him a little happier and quieter and able to rest, then I'm all for that. Not reason to feed him enough, but have him be upset all the time.

At least car rides put him to sleep. Thank God.

I feel guilty, but at the same time, it's finally quiet

Ryan has turned from good baby to colicky baby in the past week. Well, if it's not colicky, then he's just a big ol' fuss baby. Both of which are annoying, but at least the fuss baby will shut up every once and a while.

He's started getting crazy fussy in the evenings, around 5-6 pm. Side note: the cat just scraped his butt on the couch and is presently trying to cover the smell. Asshole.

Last night, he ate too much, threw up on himself and a little on me, which freaked me out and then proceeded to want to eat more, which freaked me out even more. I think that he must be having a growth spurt here and just wants to eat and eat and eat.

But, the screaming is what gets to me.

So, we were at the doctor this morning -- he's up to 6 lbs 12 oz., which is perfect growth -- they like to see a 1/2 oz to 1 oz. per day and he gained 7 oz. in the week. We got all our questions answered and I feel marginally better. Plus, I know that I can give him a bottle okay and formula with an issue from the pedi. And we know we can give him Mylicon for gas if we think it does something -- the pedi says it doesn't really do anything.

But, he started screaming last night and Jake was at rehearsal for Spanglish and finally I had to give in and call my mom and dad to come over -- which I always feel badly about, since it's always 8pm when I call, desperate for help. So, they came over, Dad got him to fall asleep and when I took him upstairs to lay him in the basinette, he woke up screaming again. So, Jake had to take over, because I was too exhausted from the previous 3 hours to get up. But, I did get to sleep a bit. And he slept a bit overnight, but he was screaming and fussy this morning again.

After we got back from the doctor, I was trying to feed him, but he kept eating, fussing, pulling off and screaming. Over and over. No matter boob or bottle. Finally, I got him to eat a good amount and then when he started screaming again, I just gave up and threw him in the swing and pretended he wasn't crying. Which he finally stopped and fell asleep around 5 mins ago. Which is what I should be doing, honestly. Sleeping. Right after I spray stuff on the couch to cover the cats smelly ass. Stupid jerk cat. What a morning. I can't wait for Jake to get home. Or for the Brewer game to be over -- I might ask Mom if she can stop by. I was going to run out to the Waukesha County Courthouse for Ryan's Birth Certificate, but I am too freakin' tired. BLAH.

Time is flying, but dragging by

I can't believe it was a week ago that I last posted, but it has truly seemed like the longest week ever.

We took Ryan to the doctor on Wednesday around 11:15, which was a HUGE mistake. They took us back to the room right on time. Unfortunately, the doctor was running 45 mins late, so he was starving. I was thinking that they would be right on time, so we would have been home by the time that we were being seen by the pedi. Jake and I were both really upset. Then, she walks in and says, go ahead and feed him -- do what you have to do. Jake said "It would have been nice to know that before". ha ha! Like I said, we were both pist.

The little monster gained almost 3/4 of a pound! He was 6 lb. 5 oz., but I think he gave back an ounce or two immediately, when he pooped his diaper. Still, he's already back to birth weight in a week, which is really good. He was clearly struggling inside of me and now that he's out, he's much better. In fact, we "weighed" him yesterday and we think that he might even be close to 7 lbs. now. GEEZ!! Fatty McFatterson.

And, I am officially done with breastfeeding. I'm talking to the doctor about what formula to put him on and how to handle all the gas that he has. He really has trouble with gas and pooping some days and really struggles with it.

Oh boy -- NBC Special Report. and crying baby. Gotta go!

I keep trying to post, but it doesn't seem to work out...

I think that I should be more successful right now, because Ryan is sleeping in the swing.

To finish the story of Ryan's arrival:

They took me in the OR and did the spinal, so I was paralyzed from the ribs down. I did manage to keep feeling the poking needle, but I think that was my brain overworking. They did the c section and they did have a bit of trouble delivering him that way too -- I heard the doctor request foreceps at one point, but the surgical assistant and the doctor did manage to get him out without using them. He pretty much cried right away and got apgar scores of 8 and 9 (at 1 min and 5 min).

Ryan had a skinny cord, which wasn't supplying enough nutrition to him (hence the reason that my big butt gave birth to a little tiny thing) and his cord was wrapped around his shoulders and above his head. I think it's called a prolasped cord, but mine was not as serious as it could have been. I would say that I had a semi-emergency c-section.

He was overdue/past term because he had little old man hands and feet when he came out and he has a lot of dry peeling skin.

Otherwise, he was totally perfect...well, except the fact that his little testicles did not descend prior to birth -- one is kind of where it should be and the other is still WAY up in his abdomen. The one that is way up there will probably require surgery when he's around 6 months old or so, but we'll see what happens...maybe a miracle will occur and it will come down on its own too.

The hospital stay was long. I ended up with a minor spinal headache -- which felt like a migrane to me -- light sensitivity, nausea -- and a MAJOR tension headache, which ran up my shoulders into my neck, into the back of my head. BLAH!

So, when we came home Sunday, I was in pretty rough shape. Lots of caffeine and Sudafed solved it by Tuesday. And the tension headache was gone after a day or two at home as well. Too bad all the caffeine kept Ryan up that first night, all crazy, which made me crazy too. He sleeps upstairs with us for now, in the Pack N Play. It works out pretty much okay.

I am breastfeeding, which is as easy as it sounds. You just put the baby where he needs to go and he knows exactly what to do...SARCASM'D'D'D!

As I had previously blogged, I was not sure about this whole process. I never was, but I was willing to give it a whirl and see if it was something that I really was okay with. I know that a week is really not a fair trial, but between caring for a new baby, this whole being totally attached to the baby because I'm the food source and just being totally destroyed mentally, I am donzo with this.

I am just going to start pumping whatever I have and give him bottles -- there are times when I probably will be a bit lazy to pump and I can certain give him the food directly, but I need someone else to be able to give him a bottle every once and a while. This will make me happier, which will hopefully make Ryan happier. And when Jake comes home and my mom leaves to go back to her house, I won't be a crying mess, like I was every day this week so far. I hit the wall on this yesterday -- I think that he must have another growth spurt on, because he is just eating like a freak and I can't handle having him attached to me every 20 mins for 4 hours.

Whatever makes the mom happy is what should happen, IMO. I'm still not sure of the bottles either, because we didn't learn to bottle feed in the hospital, but it doesn't seem to hard and I have books to read up on this stuff.

I do feel bad for Jake -- we'll have to come up with a different schedule for feeding. I think that for the most part, I will probably just pump and bottle feed him, but there were a couple of times last night where it was just easier to pull out a lady part and feed him. Jake looks so tired all the time -- not that I don't, but I can stay home and I have Mom to help me with him. Jake has to work all day and then come home to crazy me.

Ryan sure does fart a lot and it's REALLY funny. I don't think that it will ever reach a point where it's not funny.

I am healing pretty quickly, which is a good thing. There is some numbness around my incision, which is expected. They cut a lot of nerves down there. I have also already lost half of what I gained -- so, like 17 pounds to go on the weight loss. And then, I'm going to try for 10 more, but we'll see where we are in July/August.

I guess that about sums everything up. I'm not real sure what I'm going to do when Mom doesn't have to come over anymore because I can drive and I'll be totally alone with him. Others have done it, so I can too. I think. Now, time for a nap. Maybe.